while i'm not going anywhere..

so i was looking at some grad schools today, and tomorrow i'll have my mother bring over my GRE prep books (yes, that's plural.. eek!)

i might as well do the reviews and take the practice tests while i have pretty much nothing else to do.. do something productive, right? i need to get at least 1000 on this test, but i would like to get above a 1200. so.. we shall see! according to the ETS website, coastal is the closest testing center (which i already knew) and they have a bunch of dates available over the summer (i didn't know you could PICK your date, i thought they had scheduled dates.. like the SAT's, but ok!).

so i'll shoot for taking this evil test (geometry? really?? WTF?) by the end of july.. before my cast comes off. so i have 2 lofty goals for 'the cast period' (as i'm calling it):

• quit smoking (quit date is july 4th and 1st month of chantix has already been filled)
• take (and do well on) the GRE

i figure that the sooner i take the test, the better.. since if i don't do as well that i'd like i have enough time to retake it.

one of the prep books i have is for vocab. you know what? the vocab part really pisses me off.. i've always thought that i have an extensive vocabulary, so i started flipping through the 'most commonly used terms' and came across the word "tortuous." well, i would think that would have something to do with torture, pain, etc... but nooooo.. it actually means 'winding' .. as in, 'it was a tortuous path' (brings to mind walking through the trees from the wizard of oz who throw apples, involving quicksand and poisonous snakes as well.. ). argh.

sometimes i look at all of this stuff and think that it's all over my head.. and there's no way i can do it. but then i remember that's what i once thought of finishing college, period, and not only did i do that - i did it well. graduated with a very decent GPA, and the last 3 semesters (the entire time i had come back - since jan 08) i have made the dean's list. not bad..

so i can do it, i know i can. i just have to stop my annoying habit of negative self talk, lol. and i have to relearn geometry, and add some new words into my vocab. why didn't i take latin??

i also looked up some grad programs (namely school psych) that i'm interested in. the schools 'down south' that i would be interested in going to:

• north carolina state (school psych)
  
• univ. of georgia (school psych OR developmental psych)

and, i've been thinking a lot about returning to the good ol' home state.. yes, that's right.. don't get your hopes up, because this depends on a LOT of things. like where brian and i are (status wise, and this might sound harsh but i'm thinking about all of this stuff as if he a) isn't around or b) is around, and completely supportive of my schooling just like i've been completely supportive of him working on the road all the damn time).. anyways, yeah. i'd like to come back home. go to school in maryland...

• univ. of maryland (school psych - FEAR THE TURTLE!)
• umbc (developmental psych)
• hood college (experimental psych - masters... that would REALLY be going home, right?

but like i said.. going back to maryland for school depends on a lot of crap. so i dunno, but it would be nice! also, all of the above programs are doctoral ones.. except for the one at hood, which is a masters.

so, i would become 'dr. gamble'.. eh? (or, if brian pisses me off enough.. dr. hileman? eh, but dr. gamble has an evil ring to it.. LOL)

i just have to keep thinking like the little engine who could.. 'i think i can, i think i can, i think i can...'

only, i know that i can do this.

:)

come on, monday!

ok.. so this whole cast thing? it's now just really uncomfortable and is a major P.I.A. more than anything else..

i just want to rip it off and be able to wash my leg.. scratch it.. moisturize, you know? it feels terrible trapped inside that stupid cast 24/7, day in and out.

so on monday i have my appointment to get the stitches taken out (no scars, please!!!) and to have a hard cast put on. but that brief moment between casts.. oh yeah, i'm really looking forward to it!

my skin can breathe! my leg won't be uncomfortable hotter than the rest of my body! (imagine having a blanket stuck to you.. and you're hot but can't remove it.. yeah, it sucks) i can WASH it!

granted, then a hard cast gets slapped on my leg for the next 6 weeks.. but still. then it will be all over with, i hope!

my toes have been really bothering me now.. it's as if the pain has shifted.. from my ankle, to burning, to my toes? weird. but i can't even touch the top of them lightly without it hurting. i wonder if i also broke a toe or two? there's one in particular that REALLY hurts.. the one next to my big toe. or maybe i jammed the joint or something.. i dunno. but if it hasn't stopped by monday i will definitely bring it up with the doctor!

well, the parents are almost home from tennis so i need to get going.. have to finish lunch! oh, wait, that's right.. i can't even stand up in the kitchen to cook anything. sonofabi.. well, you get the point.

change in plans

mom and i used to joke around that in our next lives we would want to be an indoor cat. cats don't have to worry about making their food, etc. they can just lie around all day long, doing nothing, and having everybody else take care of them.

i've changed my mind. i do NOT want to lie around all day long.. it's so f-ing boring! oh sure, i find little projects to do each day.. the other day i did my nails, i've been reading books like crazy (i'm on my 4th book since this happened, if that tells you anything), having friends over, stuff like that. but i am still so very, very bored..

one day fades into the next, and the same old stuff.. wake up, drink coffee mom or dad makes for me. eat breakfast. go outside, come in and clean up. eat lunch. watch tv, read, and/or get online. eat dinner. watch more tv, maybe a movie, maybe have a visitor or two. chat on the phone. get online. go to sleep. wake up.. and do it all over again.

ugh.

but, on a lighter note.. my degree arrived in the mail! that makes me happy... and it's ironic that it would have come on june 6th, which is the same day i graduated from high school (although back in 2001.. LOL). maybe once i get the chair back i can convince mom to take me to A.C. moore so i can find a nice frame/matting combo for it, along with stuff to make a scrapbook of italy.

i took some pictures of both my foot/cast and my degree.. yes, i know i'm a total dork.. but hey, it gave me something to do!










i did it!!! (finally.. LOL)


********





close up...





good foot + bad foot





relaxing..

normal?

ok, so most of the throbbing in my ankle has gone away. that part is good, but...

now it feels like the incisions are.. well, burning. and it hurts like.. well, you know. is this normal? dad says it is, that it means the incisions are healing. but i dunno... really? i mean, it feels like my leg is dirty (can't wash under the cast, gross!) so i'm worried it might be an infection. but i'm not sure. maybe i'm just being a little hypochondriac .. but i just want to be sure! plus the cast seems to be bigger (probably because my ankle/leg isn't swollen anymore) .. so, yeah.

guess i'll be calling the doctor's office on monday! well, that is if our benefits are reinstated. which they should have been by 5 pm today, but weren't. grr.

have i mentioned lately how much i despise insurance companies?

no wheels..

ugh. you know that little thing i mentioned about mobility? well, i had slightly regained that with 'the chair' ... until it had to go back last tuesday. the insurance company is supposed to cover the cost of one, so dad didn't re-rent it for the next week, but here's my saga with them...

ok, so brian has the most retarded insurance in the world. they go by 4 three month periods throughout the year, and he has to work at least 300 hours in one period to be covered for the next. so, brian had to work 300+ hours in jan/feb/march to be covered in april/may/june. get it? ok. so brian was told he had ony worked 280 hours in the 1st period, which is why i had to overnight a check for $1100 to his union hall. well...

turns out the company he works for (i hate them) only turned in 1 week of hours for february. so... he had enough hours after all! and, after making me overnight them the check.. they have the nerve to tell us it can take up to 6 weeks for our refund.. what? and they still haven't reinstated our benefits! that is insane... it was not our mistake in the first place, yet we are suffering from it.. ugh! insurance companies make me sick.

no benefits = no card = no chair. ===== leigh being very, very pissed.

i don't want free healthcare, but i would like affordable healthcare! and i would love it if people could own up to their own mistakes.. and not only realize, but care about, the fact that it can negatively affect others (see equation above).

grr.

but, on the good side, i didn't have to take a percocet until 11 AM today.. that's a full 12 hours after i had taken my last one (before i went to sleep) and a good 3 hours after i had woken up. that's the best i've done so far! and, for now, the pain has been morphing from a deep and painful throbbing to a burning sensation in what i can only hope is where the orthopedic surgeon had to cut my leg and foot open. or i'm getting random, linear burning sensations on my skin. nice. and i really hope that, at my appointment a week from this monday, they wash my leg before putting on the hard cast.. ugh, it feels gross! i just want to unwrap the gauze, take off the cast (fiberglass? i have no idea what's on under the gauze..), peel off whatever's between the cast and my skin.. and wash my leg/foot, lol. but oh well.. i'm sure they cleaned it (and i know they put iodine all over it) before the surgery.

mom's picking up a few movies today for me at blockbuster.. 'marley & me' (yes, i know that it has a really sad ending, which i'm sure includes the dog dying, but don't tell me for sure!) and 'bride wars' (ok, and yes.. i know i'm a total cheeseball when it comes to stupid chick flicks .. shut up, tori! LOL)

hopefully the insurance nightmare will be over (and soon!). i'm already having to miss out on heidi's wedding (congrats! you know i wish i could be there!) and natalie/jonathan's engagement party tomorrow (lol.. wedding in the early afternoon, engagement party in the evening) because i don't have that mobility option. which sucks, because i was really looking forward to going to both of them.. *sighs.. =/

God, this sucks..

wiggle, wiggle..

so.. i can now wiggle the toes on my left foot.. without any feelings of weirdness OR pain! although, for the pain, i did take a pain pill about 2 hours ago.. so that might have something to do with it. but oh well.. at least no weirdness!

jeana came to visit today, and we watched "he's just not that into you" - great movie, if you haven't seen it! i love to have visitors.. *hint hint*

i feel like this cast is too big on me.. and that my foot isn't in it correctly.. maybe i should call the doctor tomorrow and check. but oh guess what? my insurance ended on may 31st! even after sending them a check for $1100... WTF??? apparently i had to pay for APRIL to be covered for may, even though for those 2 months ($550/month..) i thought it would be for may and june, since that's when i need it for. but oh no. now i have to mail off another check.. for $550 to be covered this month!

insurance companies are a total ripoff!

ugh, anyways.. i should be asleep, but i took a nap earlier that is now keeping me awake :( oh well, at least i get to have fun online conversations! :)

one week

it's been one week since my little 'mishap' .. so i thought i'd post about what i've learned in the last 7 days:

1) NEVER take mobility for granted. even the smallest and most minuscule things (ex: going to the bathroom) have become a major pain in the ass. having to twist and turn in the bathroom to brush my teeth or wash my hands sitting down has been pretty damn unpleasant..

2) the next time i'm about to do something and think 'well, maybe i shouldn't.. but it will be ok' .. i'm NOT going to do it. period. geeze, i never imagined this happening!

3) follow the doctor's orders. i have to sit in this damn chair with my left leg elevated at all times. do i like it? hell no.. but do i want to have to go through surgery again to fix it? HELL no. so i have to miserably comply.. (*rolls eyes*)

4) don't take family and friends for granted either.. my parents have been absolutely wonderful in taking care of me.. doing all sorts of things they don't like or want to do! this is what family is about.. being there during both your triumphs and mistakes. i have the most awesome parents, and once i can finally get out of this mess (2 months!) i have no idea how i'm going to make it up to them.. but i've got time to think about it. also.. my friends! whether it's people coming to visit or talking online, thanks for being there for me! the visits and conversations keep me up in spirits and make me feel very loved :) i have a sad feeling, well.. premonition really, that there will be some of my 'friends' who will drop off the radar for the next couple of months. that will really show me who my true friends are.. and who the ones i need to get rid of are, lol.

5) modern medicine! i can't imagine having to go through this without today's technology (and pain pills).. without the plate and screws in my leg/ankle i might have not been able to walk normally again (eek!) and without the pain meds.. well, i would be in excruciating pain right now! i am happy to report that as the days go by (farther away from when i had my surgery) the pain has lessened.. i am down from taking 2 percocets every 6 hours (even in the middle of the night.. the pain in my ankle would wake me up) to taking 1 percocet every 7-8 hours. i'm being very careful with this medication, as percocet is oxycodene - the same drug that my brother-in-law died of an OD from. granted, shane's use was purely recreational.. but still. i'm watching it ;)

well, i think that 5 big life lessons is enough for one week.. i've also been able to get some things done that i've been meaning to do for a long time..

• everybody's contact info in my phone has been updated.. including email and mailing addresses
• i have transferred over the pics from my computer (of italy, etc.) to my phone that i wanted to use as wallpapers, etc.
• i went to barnes & noble and bought several books i had been wanting to read, but didn't have the time for
• i've updated online albums and added new pics to them
• i ordered dad's father's day present online - and i can't wait for him to get it! i am looking forward to seeing the look on his face when he opens it :)
• the insurance is finally all set up.. i'm just waiting on my card to arrive in the mail
• i've called to check up on my graduation pictures that were supposed to be here almost a week ago (last tuesday).. i'm actually doing this while writing this blog, and their hold times are ridiculous! oh well, i'm not going anywhere...
  
• i watched 'breakfast at tiffany's' (and loved it, audrey hepburn is awesome!)

and i'm planning on doing more things this coming week.. the big project of this injury will be a scrapbook of my trip to italy! i'm hoping mom can take me to A.C. Moore sometime within the next couple of days so i can get all the materials i need.. i ♥ scrapbooking! and i hope i can come up with a really awesome one for this trip :)

well, it's dinner time.. mmmmm mom's spaghetti sauce (i've been smelling it cook all day, and mom is lucky i can't get over to the crock pot.. otherwise there might not be any left... LOL) and then a night of family fun with some board games! (we're a VERY competitive bunch.. so it should be interesting)

i hope everybody has a great week.. and can at least learn a few things from my mistake!